i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
