in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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