goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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