Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
