she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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