A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
