i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Randomize
