going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
