I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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