she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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