sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
