Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
