Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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