I hate your face
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
