under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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