My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
