I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We are two peas in an std pod
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
