There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
