Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
