my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
