wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
