My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
the condom got lost in my hair
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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