don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Boobs are out for the taking
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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