Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
