No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
