I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
