Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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