"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
