this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
