I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
