am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
