help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
