I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
