Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Someone signed my nipple.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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