He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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