I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
