Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
