my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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