I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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