Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
