dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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