Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
