I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
