True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
