bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
