seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
