come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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