Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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