she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
