We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
