Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i wish my penis had a tongue
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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