you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
