I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
