Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
