I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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