Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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