Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
